In this week’s edition of The auld Yorker, our Alan managed to have catch up with Satan over tea and cream cakes at his secret getaway cottage. From his job to love life, here’s what the Lord Of The Underworld has got to share with us!
Sometimes I get bad press for what I do. Christian folk love to have a go at me But I’ve got feelings too! I shouldn’t be treated like rotten rabbit stew. Where’s the golden rule of behaving like Him? When I speak about my ordeal, they say I’m prickly as a goat. Hypocrites! Straight outta Church they’re secretly bored and care-free— Oh, I can’t say that on tee-vee? Sorry, sorry, you know me! So, you wanna know about my job? Shee-
Well, where to begin really. My job means a lot to me. It goes by a lot of names: The Destroyer. good ol’ Father of Liars. Tosspot. But I prefer ‘Collector of Internal Revenue for Spiritual Affairs,’ I know it’s a bit lordly BUT it’s difficult to get proper respect from those who’ve lost their lot. I’m telling ya they cue ‘round the block outside my office—waiting for me! Weirdly it can get lonely—yeah that’s true, no rue! God’s got Jesus and all his little angels, what have I got? A bunch of devils as intelligent as bricks! Sometimes, it kills me…
Want to hear more about our Unholy Saviour? Tune in for part two next Thursday. Its looking VERY juicy!
© Thomas Gallimore Barker, 2021