In this week’s edition of The auld Yorker, our Alan managed to have catch up with Satan over tea and cream cakes at his secret getaway cottage. From his job to love life, here’s what the Lord Of The Underworld has got to share with us!
Are there any perks in the job? To be truthful there’s quite a few. There’s a bathroom in my office, with a hot shower! Get to meet a few characters too. There’s one guy, tried to kill his father cuz’ he used to flush his head down the loo! Oh, the power! Yes, how could I forget? The power from my role as God’s lieu is immense AND intense. Reminds me of one time when a downtrodden guy with small hours summoned me. He woke me up, so to shut him up I turned his head into a bong.
Sinner’s heads make the best bong you know? Damnation flavours the sound… Sorry, did I say bong? I meant gong! I’m a good Christian Boy, I don’t smoke the Devil’s Cabbage! But no, my powers aren’t for show. I did once turn a teen into—
Wow, very intriguing! Want to hear more about the Devil’s daily grind? Tune in for part three next Thursday. What’s he going to reveal next?
© Thomas Gallimore Barker, 2021